I have been doing alot of looking into Self work. Basically, my own path of finding myself. My lacking or things I think I am missing. We all have these hiccups in our life and somewhere you know you had something tramatic. Or even life-changing, and it changed the way you view things in your life. Without even knowing you did this.
I know I could have went a different path in my life. If I took what remember in my childhood a whole lot differently. I could have went down the poor me path and thought no one loves me, and no one wants me. That is the normal path to be taken, considering what I went through.
My Memory of My Trauma
I have a memory of when I was very little, like 7-8 yrs old. I just lost my dad, as he had died while at work. Also, my mom took it pretty hard and she neglected me alot. Made sure I made it to school and had food to eat. But she was not there emotionally and was not present with me. With that, my trauma I had was being a kid locked out of my house and in the pouring rain.
My mom was passed out on the couch and didn’t hear me banging on the window or door. I could clearly see her and did not understand why she couldn’t hear me at all. I was outside for hours, as I knew because it got dark and usually by then I was inside. This happened from afterschool time til really dark time.
When I think of this time in my childhood I see it was my own path to finding myself. This is where my hurt and my knowing of my inner strength was.
What was so Life Changing?
I couldn’t understand why my Mom would do this to me. I was thinking-doesn’t Mom know I am home and why is she not worried. She wasn’t cause she was sleeping as I thought. But actually my Mom was passed out from drinking all day. I was thinking doesn’t she love me? Did I do something wrong? Why did she not leave the door unlocked? Cause she always did.
In that moment, I had decided it was me and I didn’t need anyone. I needed to worry about myself, cause seemed like she didn’t want to. I have no clue why I thought or came up with this thought. I just did. I told myself it’s ok and I got you. Don’t worry about other things right now. Try and be strong, and she will wake up.
I made myself feel better, and I stopped crying and all. I quit feeling sad and mad at my mom for what I was going through. I picked myself up off the ground. Knowing I was all soaked and dirty now. I remembered I had a neighbour next door that knew me. I went over there and cried to him, while I tried to tell him what was going on.
He brought me inside, I can’t remember if he had a wife or not. I just remember him. He got me dried off and in dry clothes. Fed me and set me up in his livingroom with the TV. From there I knew someone did care for me and I would be ok.
Helping my Inner Child
I have been looking into alot of this and finding I have a hurt inner child. She has not healed and is waiting for me to help her. I always thought in my head, that I don’t need anyone. I got this and can do it myself. To find that is my inner child talking, and she needs to be healed. I am doing that now, it is a long process. As I hold alot of pain at that age of 7 or 8 yrs old.
- One quick step to help her. Is to think of a time in my childhood when I was hurt so bad. Or even it could be just a strong memory. There is where I found the hurt inner child.
- Sit quietly and think of that moment in your childhood
- Once you have it, be in the moment. Ask your hurt inner child what you can do for her to help her? Listen and inner child will tell you. If not, that’s ok. The inner child may not be ready. Don’t push, and I find that doing it at a different time may help.
- Your inner child may need to just cry or tell you something. Or just needs to be heard.
This is not an overnight fix, it is a work in progress. Needs to be revisited over and over, till you are sure she is heard.
I am still working on research for this, and there is so much to be found. Meditation works for this too, to center yourself and find some strength. A time in my childhood is my own path, and we all have a different path to go on. Your inner child will have different experiences and knowledge. I just know this is something that I need to do for myself and my time in my childhood still needs to be explored more. My inner child has so many stories for me, that she is not ready to share just yet. I know that, and it will always be a work in progress.
My Own Path of Finding Myself
Is my path to finding my inner child and I needed to think of a time in my childhood. How I did come to that thought, was someone said that to me. That they were on that journey of helping their own inner child. Theirs lead back to a moment when they were just a kid. That is when my lightbulb went off and I thougtht. That’s it, I need to think of a time in my childhood where I have a strong memory or image of.
I found it, it was me outside in the pouring rain all soaked and trying to get inside. It was until I rethougtht that memory that I remembered all I went through. I cried at that moment for real. I didn’t know then that that memory would be so strong.
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