I have come a long way. It has been a worthwhile ride. Getting where I am now. Mentally, physically, emotionally- when I took that leap. I was glad that I did.
I know I had alot to think about. The most stressful time for sure. I got in my own way. Meaning my thoughts and my what ifs got in the way. I was my worst enemy at the time. I sure knew my heart didn’t want to go. But I knew also I couldn’t physically do what I was doing anymore.
What Is Your Struggle??
What was the thing that you were struggling with??? Did your heart get in the way of your understanding of what to do?? Or did you weigh the pro and cons of coming to a solution to your problem.
I know when I think back to when I struggled to leave my ex, it was hard. Mainly because he made so many promises. I was so mad, he broke those promises. We had kids by this time. I had brought my kids with me into the relationship also. Our family life worked for a while. Until it didn’t….
Looking Back
I don’t know if I had blinders on when I think about when did it go downhill. And where was I?? What was I doing??? Maybe it had to be when I decided to get a job, even though I just had a baby. Maybe I was already looking for a way out.
I did get a job, found a sitter. Worked 3-5 hours about 4 days a week, sometimes 5 days. But at least I wasn’t away that long. By the way, my baby was about 9 months old at this time.
As I reflect on this now, I think I was already looking for a way out. But couldn’t see it.
Because, fast forward, another baby later. My son now is 5 years old, and now I have come to the decision of leaving. Because nothing changed by much. To make me stay and love being there in my home.
The Day Everything Changed
I thought alot about what I wanted in my life, and my kids life. Was this the life I wanted my new baby girl to live. As her older brother did. The stress he must of felt. Kids do feel the disfunction in the household. Even though we believe they can’t feel it.
I had to make a hard decision. I did. After about 3 days. I reached out to family and chatted with about what my problems were. The things I had done to change them. They changed, but went right back to the way they used to be. Our normal I guess.
I have come a long way when I look back now. I have changed so much for the better!!!
Everyone has that, how your family is at its normal. For you, it is different to how others live. But it is your normal. You can’t see anything different. Because maybe this is how you grew up and you believe it should be like this.
Til somewhere along the way, you realize. It can be different and you will make it different. Don’t know how, but you will. Trusted enough in yourself to make that change.
That is what had happened to me!!!
I just realized, I didn’t want this for my kids. I wanted them to have more, and be more. I broke the chain of family dynamics. I quit drinking, which is the family I came from. So I wanted that to change. I wanted my kids to know that I love them. I tell them that each week if not each day.
So for that to happen, I needed to leave my husband and live on my own with my kids.
How??? I still did work, but was on maternity leave. I found a place to rent and I moved out.
I Made It Happen
I packed my necessities and some clothes. Kids clothes and some dvds, tv and dvd player. My computer and all my babies needs.
I knew that maybe in a week of two I could come back finish getting the rest of my things. If that was possible.
Because my husband was ok with me leaving at first. Till I really left. Then he was mad at me. Threatened to lock me out and not give me my things.
So I said, go ahead and have all my things. I will just have to start over again. Just remember, if you do that to me, you are hurting the kids too. Because some of that stuff is theirs too.
So easy to say, that after a week, he was bringing me my things to where I currently lived.
I Have Come A Long Way!!!
We are currently still separated. But I realize, I am more relaxed and financially stable also.
I am not justifying what I do each day, I just do what I need to do. No one to answer to. I don’t worry about what I do spend. Or how much money I spend. Because my money is for me to spend. I pay my bills on time now.
I have all that I need to support my little family. They have a mom that is happier, and more relaxed. No more stress for me, no more hearing fighting. They are more relaxed and know they are safe also.
I Came From A Broken Household
So I came from a broken household, I thought was what I wanted. Our own belief of the way things should be. Cause that is how we grew up. My family had a lot of screaming and fighting. Lots of drinking and no one worked for a long time.
That was what I believed life was, I thought everyone in the whole world lived like this. TV shows were fictional lives and that was it. But I know now, I was wrong.
So when I grew up and got a family of my own. I thought all would be good. It was for the longest time, then it wasn’t. So I wanted the perfect life we had in the beginning. Not what we had now, or then actually. Cause this was ten years ago now.
Believe it or not, because I loved my husband. I just hoped that he would eventually see what was going on with us and change. But nope, that never did happen. He still to this day, doesn’t see that he does need to change. So we still live apart.
I Needed To Change
So I knew I needed to change a whole bunch of things going on in my life. For the start of it all, was to move on my own. Establish my own place, getting together all my things for my place. Right down to beds and furniture and kitchen things too.
For my things, I needed a tv to watch, a radio or stereo to listen to. I also needed an alarm clock, a coffee maker. Little things we never really think about when we go out on our own.
I have all that I need for my at-home business includes my computers and monitors that I bought. Notebooks and pens, paper, printer, etc.
All the things to make my home my own. Kids have their own room. Have everything they need to everything they want. Within reason of course. Because as I write this, my kids lost their devices. Mainly because they don’t do their chores.
Kids And Chores
All I needed from my kids was to have their chores done. Before they could enjoy their iPads and tv and computer. Kids don’t understand why they had to do their chores. Also, why do they have to vacuum each day? Take their laundry into the laundry room each day. Or even why their garbage needed to be emptied each day.
This is why they lost their devices. Because of not doing their chores. Hoping they are understanding now. But they are still not doing them. So I believe we are both changing with this. I will not give them their devices back till they continue doing their chores. Which right now, they are not doing it all.
They thought I would not take their iPad or tv away. Why??
They thought since I have my own, there is no way I would take theirs away. But they found out differently now. They are still not really doing their chores, so they will not get their devices back yet.
Single Parent Struggles!!!
This is one of the problems that arise with being a single parent. Kids think that you are a pushover. You will let them get away with anything and everything. Because it is easier to do that than to worry about grounding them. Or even punishing them.
But we are learning together, how we can work together and have a happy household once again. Because I believe they want a happy mom and happy home once again.
There is a light at the end of this, we will all be happy again. We will once again have peace.
Kids need to understand mom is not a pushover. She does what she does because she loves you. Wants you to be the best that you can be. Putting these limits on them, is for their own good.
This is what I keep telling myself when my kids look and ask me when will they get their things back??? Breaks my heart, but I need to stay strong. Telling them, when you do your chores, stick with the list. All will be good again. You will only then get your things back.
I don’t know how much more simple to break it down. But right now, they still don’t get it. Cause we will be going on week 2 of no items for them.
So I used to just give in and give them back. But then eventually I would get stressed out because they still were not doing their chores. Because I was letting them push me over. No more any more. I have reached my stress level, where I can’t take it anymore.
So as I look back I sure have come a long way, from when I first had my oldest child. Back then I had some help. As of right now, I am doing this on my own. So that changes how I view things also.
Even doing better, with taking care of myself. I discovered this great product, that is helping me to lose all the baby weight. That after having babies, just wouldn’t leave. Us women know all to well what that is. Or even that muffin top you just can’t get rid of.
Well no more of that for me, as I have lost weight gradually. I almost never even noticed. But pants are looser, t-shirts are getting too big. Bras needed to be tightened also. When that happened, I knew something was happening. For the good!! I was losing weight.
How?? This great product you can go read about it yourself. Decide for yourself. Try and you too will see results. You are for sure to be amazed.
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