I remember when I was little I did alot, I thought that was what kids did. I look back now and didn’t know other children lived differently. Similar but not all the same. I am an adult now and I understand more about my life and how it all started. How it made me to be the person I am today.
I am writing this because I now know my view has changed as I got older.
I grew up as a First Nations Child, and also my parents were Residential School survivers too. That may be part of the reason why I grew up how I did.
Not that I have all the answers to why my life was the way it was. I am just realizing how it was, and how it should not have been. To me it was normal, and I didn’t know different. Knowing how things were and looking back now.
That is probably why I am who I am today, a very strong Women and Mother to my 5 children. I grew up fast when I was little, without even knowing I was. I lived through the struggles I had, and kept on going. I didn’t stay in my struggles and stress, but kept on going.
The Responsibilites I Carried
I didn’t really understand what I was doing, or why I had to do it. But if I didn’t I got in trouble, or I didn’t eat if I didn’t go shopping. Many things were put on me and I had to get it done, crying didn’t get me out of doing it either.
Financial Responsibilities
- I paid the bills at the bank -back then they didn’t question kids
- I Did all The Shopping for Us-given a list
- Collected the Money from my Parents
Household Responsibilites
- Grocery Shopping
- Cooking
- Laundry
- Getting myself ready for school
I was learning Adult Systems well before I even understood Childhood.
Thinking about all of this, sure does bring up alot of memories.
“What I Didn’t Know I Was Carrying”
- Feeling responsible for everything
- Always on alert
- Hyper independence
- Difficulty asking for help later in life
When Drinking was Part of the Environment
I think back then when I was little, my parents drank alcohol.
- Inconsistency
- sleeping really odd hours
- a messy home
- They were loud
There was times when my mom made us breakfast, I did love her cooking. She did cook dinner sometimes, and I do remember her cleaning our place. But for all the times I do remember the good, and the bad. I seem to remember more of the bad then the good. Which I see now- as it was not a good way to grow up. So when I was little, this was my normal life- as I saw as normal.
I did always wonder, was this how everyone in the World lived? Or was it just me and our family? Were other friends in my class live the same as I did? I had no clue, and nothing really to compare it too. I didn’t go out to friend’s houses or anything. So nothing to compare too.
How I Pushed Through it All
I just kept going with what I needed to do. I was told to do something I know I didn’t understand. But I was taught how to do what I needed to do.
- I was taught how and where to pay bills. Showed where the bills were and what was due, given the money to go to the Bank and pay them. Sometimes, I was given a check and just hadd to mail them.
- Where to shop and how to do my grocery list. How to add it all to stay within my budget.
- How to talk to a cab driver to get home. And make sure he drove the right way too. (not taking advantage of me because of my age)
- I was even taught how to pay rent, and where the rent money was kept. Go upstairs to the landlord and hand over the envelope of rent money. Making sure I got a receipt for the rent.
- I was taught to cook some basics for dinner, and breakfast. Lunch was sandwiches.
- I was taught how to do laundry at the Laundrymat. Also, how to sort loads and how much loads to get done. Given an amount of money for the clothes.
I was taught how to make the most out of what we had. My mom taught me how to make soup when I was little, and I made that alot. It was simple and I didn’t have to stand and watch it always. And most times, my soup came out of a can.
A Scary Moment In my Life
I realized that if I didn’t do the shopping I didn’t eat. Cause that did happen once, I couldn’t go shopping cause I was too scared. So I had the money, but I just used it at the corner store. That was the place I knew how to shop at.
As a Child I was scared to hold/hang onto money. Cause I knew it was important.
It was tough when I ran out, I really didn’t know what to do. I was scared to tell my Mom I ran out, and couldn’t get what I was supposed to. Meaning food.
Looking Back on It All
- I became strong
- I am more capable
- I became more independant
- I became a mother of five
- I now do understand what was not normal